DOGE, The Imaginary Federal Agency
It's not established by Congress, it's almost entirely opaque, and it seems to answer to no one but Felon47.
What, exactly, is DOGE? Yes, it’s the grandly-named Department of Government Efficiency. But what is its actual mission? (There is no public facing mission statement.) What are its boundaries? (There is no charter or other defining documents available for the press or public.) What is its funding source? (There is no line item in any congressionally-approved budget, but it reports directly to the Office of the President.) There’s not even a functioning website. (The https://www.doge.gov/ URL simply displays an ominous looking landing page with no other available pages.)
To paraphrase Felon47, it’s really merely a concept of an agency.
There’s a giant-headlined Executive Order on the White House website that claims the authority for establishing such an agency. But the vagueness of that EO doesn’t make very much clear, either.
To date, aside from the Executive Order, DOGE seems to consist entirely of the aforementioned blank website, a self-aggrandizing fact-challenged Twitter feed, some absurdly unqualified teenage DOGE nerds accessing your data, and a bunch of hot air.
One thing that the Executive Order does make clear is that DOGE seems to be absorbing an already existing agency within the government:
“Sec. 3. DOGE Structure. (a) Reorganization and Renaming of the United States Digital Service. The United States Digital Service is hereby publicly renamed as the United States DOGE Service (USDS) and shall be established in the Executive Office of the President.”
Unlike DOGE, the U.S. Digital Service does have a website and there’s no acknowledgement on that website of DOGE’s existence. Unlike DOGE, its website states its mission: “To deliver better government services to the American people through technology and design.” Their stated values seem like the polar opposite of what DOGE is all about:
Hire and empower great people.
Find the truth. Tell the truth.
Optimize for results, not optics.
Go where the work is.
Create momentum.
Design with users, not for them.
With optimistic values like those, we can expect that small team to be shown the exit door in short order (if they haven’t already left in disgust).
Also from the USDS website:
“To work at USDS, you must be a U.S. citizen and pass a background check and a drug test.”
That raises some interesting questions: Has ketamine advocate Elon passed a drug test? Have the DOGE bros passed background checks and drug tests? We can be pretty sure they haven’t, since they basically just started showing up unannounced at federal agencies and demanding access to sensitive information.
Here are some of the questions on the form (SF85) that any applicant for any federal job would be required to answer:
From Section 17:
In the last year have you illegally used any drugs or controlled substances? Use of a drug or controlled substance includes injecting, snorting, inhaling, swallowing, experimenting with or otherwise consuming any drug or controlled substance.
In the last year have you intentionally engaged in the misuse of prescription drugs, regardless of whether or not the drugs were prescribed for you or someone else?From Section 20:
Have you EVER been a member of an organization dedicated to the use of violence or force to overthrow the United States Government, and which engaged in activities to that end with an awareness of the organization’s dedication to that end or with the specific intent to further such activities? [Emphasis in original]
For applicants to federal positions, those questions are among those that would be asked by the Office of Personnel Management (OPM), which — not coincidentally — is one of the agencies that Elon and his DOGE bros have entered illegally.
As they say on those late night informercials, “But wait! There’s more!”
There’s a much more stringent screening if you’re applying for a position of “public trust,” as defined in Title 5 of the Code of Federal Regulations:
“A position at the high or moderate risk level is designated as a “public trust” position. Such positions may involve policy making, major program responsibility, public safety and health, law enforcement duties, fiduciary responsibilities, or other duties demanding a significant degree of public trust such as positions involving access to or control of financial records or with significant risk for causing damage or realizing personal gain.”
For those positions, you’re required to fill out the SF85P form — a 95-page questionnaire that requires disclosure of complete history of residences, citizenship, employment history, familial ties, military history, references, marital/relationship status, history of foreign travel, police records, drug and alcohol use and abuse (past 7 years), prior security clearances, finance history, history of associations/organizations participated in, etc.
Section 25 of that form is particularly pertinent. It includes the following question:
In the last seven (7) years have you illegally or without proper authorization accessed or attempted to access any information technology system? [Emphasis in original]
Followed by:
Complete the following if you responded 'Yes' to having in the last seven (7) years illegally or without proper authorization entered or attempted to enter into any information technology system.
Complete the following if you responded 'Yes' to having in the last seven (7) years illegally or without authorization, modified, destroyed, manipulated, or denied others access to information residing on an information technology system or attempted any of the above.
Complete the following if you responded 'Yes' to having in the last seven (7) years introduced, removed, or used hardware, software, or media in connection with any information technology system without authorization, when specifically prohibited by rules, procedures, guidelines, or regulations or attempted any of the above. [Emphasis in original]
It would certainly seem that some of these DOGE bros are currently engaged in exactly this type of activity!
We don’t know a whole lot about the teenage DOGE nerds who answer to Elon, and that seems to be by design. There was never any public introduction of these supposed boy geniuses who have been given access to much of the nation’s most sensitive information systems. Some of them have even scrubbed their LinkedIn pages, making it all but impossible to understand whether they have any relevant skills or not. Elon is even in the process of switching their internal communications off of Slack to avoid FOIA requests.
In my next post, I’ll attempt to consolidate what we know about them so far. Spoiler alert: It ain’t great.